There are a number of reasons people fail at love. The main and most common reason, I believe, is that when we (as a couples) come together at the start of our relationships, we don't make sure that we're both working with the same definitions, for things like; love, relationship, commitment, girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, husband, partner, family, etc etc.
Nobody talks out this stuff before engaging in a relationship contact. Then a few months or years down the line someone does something that offends the other's definitions and suddenly this relationship contract us broken, sometimes only one person feels like it's broken but since we don't talk to each other about this stuff we just resent the other for the offense and the relationship rot sets in.
So let’s try and decode this mystery and find out about the real reasons why love fails.
1. ‘All About Me’
In relationship, if either of you is the kind who only focuses on themselves then you should know that the relationship is doomed right from the beginning, set for destination catastrophic love failure. Keeping love intact takes a lot of sharing which always involves more of giving than taking. If you start focusing only on yourself and your needs and neglect your partner then your relationship will never work. ‘All about me’ will leave you without the one you loved with all your heart.
2. Unbalanced Responsibilities
When you’re a couple, you both need to have balanced duties and responsibilities towards the relationship. If there is only one of you who is taking all the initiatives and the other one is only reaping the benefits of being in the relationship, then again, it will not work. If someone is ready to give their all to make you happy then that person will expect the same in return. Without that, no matter how much one party loves the other side, love fails.
3. Communication Gap
Communication is the key to a happy relationship, no matter what the basis of the relationship is. As a couple, if you fail to express your thoughts and feelings to your partner then the gap will go on increasing to a point where you two will simply fail to understand each other, inevitably ending in ‘love failures’, broken relationships, broken homes and the list goes on.
4. Infidelity
A communication gap will obviously move toward love failure, of the cheating kind. Trust is the building block of a relationship. If there is trust then no matter what the problem may be, it becomes relatively easier to get through it together. But once there’s infidelity involved, then you can pretty much see your relationship going up in flames with no hope of it ever getting fixed.
5. No Secret Policy
Many people have a habit of sharing even the tiniest details with their friends. However, it is possible that your partner may not like it at all. Personal life has the word personal in it for a reason. Sometimes even friends can make it worse by making themselves a part of your problem based on what you shared with them. The fact that they’re your friends means they’ll take your ‘side’, forgetting that you’re both on the same side; and the moment you forget who’s side you’re supposed to be on, love failure hits.
6. ‘I Quit’ Personality
There are people who are ready to quit at the slightest problem they go through. ‘I quit’ or ‘let’s end this’ are usually the first words to come out of their mouth when they see a problem approaching. But that’s not how relationships work; that’s how love fails. It requires a lot of patience and efforts to build a strong bond. And most relationships get strong only when the two of you tackle and get out of a problem together.
7. Dependency
It is a common belief that once you get together with someone, your lives have to be inter-dependent. You end up being too clingy and depend on them for almost everything. This is usually one of the biggest reasons to make someone want to get away for their ‘breathing space.’
8. Self-Criticism
Although this might not sound like a big reason, but it actually is a very important point to be considered. Self-criticism, to some extent, is normal as that helps figure out our short comings and get better. But once you start criticizing yourself for everything, you end up becoming someone who is constantly looking for someone else to tell you that you’re perfect. And that is a big deal-breaker, a love failure that’s non-negotiable.
9. Jealousy
Being possessive on some levels is acceptable because when you’re in love you expect that person to devote their time to you. But if your jealousy starts to take over your daily life with every conversation starting and ending on the same note then your relationship can be seen as dying a slow ‘love failure’ death. A healthy relationship is one where there is trust and comfort.
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